Have you ever wondered why you continue to lay there without doing anything? You drum on your chest, stare at the ceiling, and scrutinize your fingernails; it’s a never-ending procrastination.
You try to relieve yourself of your self-pity by thinking that you’re stuck in a deep meditation of reflection and tranquility. Like you’re some kind of mystic philosopher or bodhisattva. But instead all you’re really doing is lying there staring, once again, at the ceiling. Alone I must add.
You turn to dependencies like cigarettes or alcohol, or both. Social media as well, just flicking through the feed of other people’s anecdotes and thoughts, but you realize that you really do not give a shit. Messaging people pointless remarks and questions in order to get a reply so it feels like someone wants to talk to you or are even aware of your existence; but like it always does it fizzles out to a blank screen of silence. The worst is chatroulette as it ends up with you trying to masturbate together with some random female doing the same, and a lot of them are scammers anyway. Then you’re left feeling worst than before.
Of course when I refer to “you” I mean myself mainly. And I’ve concluded, including the NHS depression test, that I’m slightly depressed. Sure it could just be a stage in my life where I am questioning my self-purpose and entire existence (which is generally natural). But the consistency of sensing hopelessness and unproductivity has poisoned my mind to the point where it’s starting to take its toll on my wellbeing. It’s hard to build strong relationships and even harder to start a new one. Loneliness has become a plague where it had never been before; I could accept that I was alone and bask in solitude and my ego. However now that has exceeded its limit and I’m left with this lingering shadow of depression. I am depressed and I accept it. Fortunately that’s the first stage.
To deal with depression the NHS recommends “talk therapy” aka seeing a psychiatrist, or medication (what a surprise!). Luckily for me I’ve realized that depression is a state of mind, there’s nothing physical about it. This isn’t me saying that it can’t do harm, because I assure it can and it will if you do not realize that it is just a state. Happiness is also a state of mind. So logically if you can change from being happy to sad without the help of “talk therapy” and medication, the same can go for depression.
Now I’m not a professional to validate how to cure your depression or even access it for that matter. But as a victim of it I can tell you the first step is accepting it. Acceptance spurs you on to move on and to do something about it. Personally myself I began to notice the beauty of my surroundings and the peculiarity of time and the moment I live in. Too many people cloud themselves with the concept of how little time they have, however it’s funny because time is continuous and eternal. You cannot possess time so how can you say you have so little of it. Understanding the preciousness of the present is an enlightening thought because it provides no stress or worries about future endeavours and past regrets. The present is bliss.
Just writing that made me feel a bit better (how foolish is that?). So in conclusion you depressed people out there try not to worry about it, the wonder of the present will spark a realization and hopefully change your mood for the good. Try it out, you got nothing better to do, unless you’re waiting at your local NHS.
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