Infertility brings with it a web of emotions. Granted, most of these are negative: guilt, heartache, physical and emotional pain are just a few to mention. Yet believe it or not, positive emotions come into play too. I want to talk to you about one of these in specific. That is hope. Hoping is positive. It is belief that good can come from bad.
I want to give you hope that you can achieve your dreams. I want to do this by sharing my own personal experience with you. I’m doing this in the desire that others will read it and relate to it. In the hope that people will see how I never gave up on my dreams. Dreams to complete my family. In turn I want to help others strive to achieve their dreams too.
I strongly believe that having hope in your heart helps. How can I say this? What gives me the right to? I have secondary infertility. In other words I had fertility issues after my first child was born. She is now six. Throughout all my struggles to complete my family I never gave up hope. I’m not saying if you hope for something it will happen. I’m just urging those who find themselves in a similar position to me not to give up on their dreams. My aim is that by reading my story it will make others more hopeful, feel a little more positive. I urge people to strive to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. Just as I did.
After five and a half years of numerous procedures, operations, four rounds of IVF, a miscarriage and ending up with a fairy godmother surrogate, I got my happy ending, my complete family. My beautiful twins, a girl and boy who are now almost ten months old, were born. To achieve this, my husband and I overcame many hurdles, survived too many dark days to count.
My daughter was taught in nursery that ‘sharing is caring’. I like that. I believe that. And that is why I’m sharing. I care. Care about those who unfortunately have found themselves, or who currently are, in a similar position I was. My life became a vicious cycle of appointments, procedures, weeks, sometimes months, spent waiting for the next ones. Even after it became clear that IVF wasn’t going to be the answer to our prayers, I knew I wasn’t ready to give up. That other avenues needed to be followed, in order to fulfil our dreams.
My husband and I are very fortunate that we had a strong support network of family and close friends. Although they could never really understand what we were going through, their support was invaluable. I want to reach out to people who are reading this and do understand. Who are in a similar position to the one I was in and can relate to what I’m saying, empathise with how I was feeling. I want them to know they are not alone. That there are people out there who have gone through and are going through this too.
I learnt only too quickly how you can’t plan anything in life. You just never know what’s around the corner. It’s ironic really, because I’m a qualified teacher, and as a teacher, I loved the fact that every day was different. That I had daily plans, but something would happen to change these, or the day would never go as I envisaged. But this was ok, it was fun, it was challenging, it made my job interesting.
However, we discovered that not knowing what’s around the corner is also scary, daunting and incredibly stressful. The intervals between each hospital appointment, each stage of treatment, were tense and disheartening. There were highs and lows, but we got there in the end. By sharing my happy ending I’m offering hope.
I want to end this blog to you on a high. I have recently attended a parents’ evening for my eldest daughter. It is the third parents’ evening I have now attended. At the first one, I remember sitting there looking over her ‘work’. My heart sank at the pictures of ‘My family’. She had drawn the three of us. Yet around me I felt like all I could see were pictures her peers had drawn, in which they had drawn their siblings. Tonight, two years later, how different things are. I had to pinch myself, for in front of me was a picture of our complete family. This made me feel complete.
My message to you? Don’t give up on your dreams, have hope.
Jane can be found on Twitter @completingtf
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