According to Diana Raab, who has a Ph.D in transpersonal psychology: ‘The brain is the largest sex organ. Those who admit to being sapiosexual will say that they are turned on by the brain and tend to be teased or excited by the insights of another person. As foreplay, the sapiosexual person may crave philosophical, political or psychological discussions because this turns [him or her] on’.
As sexual attraction remains a controversial mystery, the term ‘sapiosexual’ has been trending over the past few years, describing the predisposition of someone who is sexually attracted to intelligence. However, what is it really all about?
Brain is the new ass
‘His brain made me wet and I had to mentally refrain from climbing over to his chair and sitting on him’, wrote poet Pablo Neruda. While some are turned on by perfect cheekbones, chubby hands, six-packs or a curvy body, others find the mind the most attractive characteristic.
‘Those who are sapiosexual are those who are stimulated or challenged by the way another person thinks’, comments Dr. Raab. ‘They are basically in love with the mind‘, she continues.
Intelligent but loners
But while some minds are on fire, they are lonely. Of course, physical attraction is important, but unlike looks, intelligence lasts. Sapiosexuals believe that an interesting conversation is more satisfying than just looking good with your clothes off.
You challenge them intellectually, their bodies will follow. ‘I’ll readily admit that I’d f**k someone ugly if he were super smart. When a guy can challenge me intellectually, I literally get wet. I’m not even kidding right now’, admitted Gigi Engle in Elite Daily.
Sapiosexuals do not really care whether you are in shape or have an amazing yacht – all they care about are your thoughts. When you come to think of it, does that really make them sapiosexuals, or is it just that they have higher IQs?
A trendy sexual identity
But do we really need to create a whole separate category for those attracted to intelligence? I mean, if that’s the case, then we should have a category for each personality trait.
Are we sapiosexuals? Perhaps we are just humans and that is what makes us attracted to the mind. Yes, it is true that some prioritize intelligent conversation, but does that mean we should be labelled as different?
Or is it a social media trend? Dating websites, such as OKCupid, now have eleven orientation options, including ‘gay’, ‘lesbian’, and ‘sapiosexual’. But aren’t we all to some extent attracted to the mind, despite what our sexual orientation is?
Let’s take the example of a funny man. Marilyn Monroe once said that, ‘if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything’. But while some women are attracted to humour, they tend to forget that it is a sign of intelligence.
‘A good sense of humour is sexually attractive, perhaps because it reveals intelligence, creativity, and other “good genes” or “good parent” traits’, proved Gil Greengross and Geoffrey Miller in their study about humour for Psychology Today.
So does that mean that if I am attracted to a funny person, then I am sapiosexual?
Another case would be if you like poetry and you have a fruitful conversation about your favourite verses with a person you just met, and you immediately feel a connection. Does that make you sapiosexual or is it a matter of having shared interests?
Also, you might meet a lot of smart people and be an extremely intelligent person yourself and yet not feel any attraction to them. Does that necessarily make you a non-sapiosexual? How about we come back to our roots and stop creating categories? We all have a mind (sapio, in Latin) that we must use, and we are all sexual animals – but that doesn’t make us into sapiosexuals. It simply makes us alive.
‘Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind’, wrote William Shakespeare. Does that make him sapiosexual?