Well, here we are again, at ‘that’ time of year! The time of year where the welfare abusers complain about a slight delay in their bi-weekly bank boosters, while the more rotund among us question their festive eating habits, and the working class fantasise about not having to return to work upon the dawn of the new year.
Happy New Year world! Let us remember just how unhappy this occasion truly is. Yes, we set off a few mid-air explosions and sing a few songs, but if we are honest, the majority of the human race sink those bottles of cheap champagne, better yet, Prosecco, because they are utterly miserable.
Why are they miserable, I hear you ask? Simply put, because the world, for all of its wonder and magnificence, is becoming increasingly dangerous, with its inhabitants becoming more and more oppressed as each piece of paper passes through the various buildings of importance across the globe. We all know it’s happening, yet many feel powerless to address it, let alone make a difference, and subsequently, they are preparing — as I write this article — to drink to the point of comatose to make everything seem that little bit better for just the briefest period of time, as they welcome the new year with booze-riddled happiness. Saddening.
So for all the airheads who are under the impression that the world is great and that life is swell, for your happy new year, I am going to highlight the past year’s less excellent points for the majority!
The Daily Mail
The Daily Fail, Hate Mail, Daily Heil, Crazy Mail, The Sieg Heil, The Daily Wail, etc … has, in recent times, become both one of the most popular tabloids in the United Kingdom, and simultaneously the most pathetic. Supposedly it is now a ‘neo-fascist rag’ which claims to represent the traditional values of Britons. Some claim that it frequently harasses individuals and has ‘campaigns of hate’ which are directed at the minorities within British society — namely, Islam. It even, apparently, deceives and lies to its readers.
Now, segregating minorities who completely do not deserve to be harassed is bad, fearmongering and hate speech is also very bad. But what has the Daily Fail done to truly ruin this year for anybody who can read? Their journalists forgot their key stage 1 grammar classes.
Well, this list wouldn’t be right without a proper inclusion for ‘The Religion of Peace‘. On behalf of Allah and the Prophet Muhammad, across the year of 2017, I have noted 2,009 Islamic attacks within 61 different countries; resulting in the death of 15,455 people and injuring 14,041. Very peaceful.
If any Liberals get upset by this statement and believe it to be false, I can provide my list and you can research to your heart’s content!
Well, this milestone in modern British and European politics has finally got underway, following the referendum in June of 2016. People who voted remain during the referendum, and the critics who condemned those of us who voted to leave the European Union mostly had their heads turned this year. The pre-referendum negative financial forecasts turned out to be false, the world didn’t explode, and we didn’t miss out on Brussels sprouts this Christmas. Subsequently, a myriad of remain voters decided to support the idea of Team Leave, realising that Great Britain has always, and will always be a powerhouse in global politics and that Europe is weaker without us — as well as being the only stagnating/imploding bloc on the planet.
Unfortunately, though, our Prime Minster and her Brexit negotiation squad stiffed the nation, almost as hard as Corbyn did the youths during the general election, with their most recent resolution at the beginning of this month.
The Rt. Hon. Lord David Blunkett
Now, this one is only relevant to those who really do focus on individual politicos and peers, or to those of us who were present in Parliament when Lord Blunkett told us of the passing of his seven-year-old guide dog, Cosby.
The self-titled ‘Bulldog of British politics’ loss was, for me and I imagine for those in the room or those who idolise him or aspire to reach his level of political success and prowess, a very sour moment; which still, for some reason, resonates through my mind every now and again. Perhaps this is because even politicians, for all the scorn and hatred that they undergo, have emotions too.
As the most controversial Breitbart journalist and author, Milo Yiannopoulos would probably say… ‘Daddy’s home!’
While of course the concept of those two being related is wholly bizarre, bar the voluptuous blonde mops, you could say that Trump really does embody the above saying.
He is probably the most hated politician on the planet at the moment, even more so than the likes of Tusk, Juncker and Kim Jong-un. However, it should be duly noted that Trump spent his campaign trail acting like a rock star in a suit, sold himself to the masses, won, arguably the most powerful seat in the world, and has done everything he said he would.
The east, the west, probably even the north and the south are constantly on the verge of mental implosion, simply at the thought of Donald Trump, and doomsayers are predicting the end of the world under his rule. But you know what? Daddy really is home and he is smashing it. Or, building it …
So, there’s a small number of points for you. To be quite honest, it does induce a certain level of lachrymose sentimentality for which the whole human race can sob. But for the coming year, why don’t we, as a collective, speak out against the injustices that we disagree with.
At the very worst … misery loves company.