When it comes to certain men, they only socialise with people for personal, and often sexual, gain. These men initiate conversations out of desire rather than curiosity, yet complain afterwards of feeling lonely.
I have met quite a few of these lonely ‘nice’ men, who only make an effort to talk to girls they find attractive, and then pity themselves when they get rejected or friend-zoned. If these men are so worried about being lonely, maybe they should try speaking to people of all ages, genders, and appearances, without expecting a romantic connection. In short, they should put their energy into nurturing friendships, rather than feeling entitled to a romantic relationship. And finally, these men should understand that women are not obliged to date them or sleep with them just because they have been nice.
So stop expecting this.
Lonely Planet
In today’s digital society, loneliness is a huge problem. As technology develops and social media grows, we are increasingly able to go about our daily lives without having to rely on face-to-face interaction. As a result, it’s harder than ever to make friends. We now satisfy our need for connection through distant online chats instead of meeting organically. The COVID-19 pandemic certainly exacerbated these issues, as months of isolation forced most of us to adapt to life without proper social interaction and left a generation struggling to catch up on basic social skills. In 2023, the World Health Organisation declared loneliness a ‘global public health concern,’ coining the concept of a ‘loneliness epidemic.’ More recently, the idea of a ‘male loneliness epidemic’ has been gaining traction online.
The so-called male loneliness epidemic is the idea that men today have fewer close friendships, weaker support networks, and struggle more with intimacy than previous generations. This is impacting men’s mental and physical well-being, with 8 million men in the UK reporting feeling lonely at least once a week and 35 per cent saying that their loneliness leads to depression.
To be clear, male loneliness is a very real issue, but some social media influencers have taken to framing it as a ‘male epidemic’ and blame women who reject men as being the cause of this incessant loneliness.
Toxic Masculinity
Instead of acknowledging how toxic masculine culture and patriarchal systems inflame male loneliness, right-wing influencers are blaming women for men’s troubles. Andrew Tate has been vocal about male loneliness, stating: ‘I do not think most women understand how lonely the majority of men are. You girls will never be lonely as much as you might be unhappy with the possible suitors.’
Tate tends to conflate loneliness with singledom and celibacy, suggesting that men become lonely when women reject them. The rise in loneliness, however, is universal, so why are we gendering the loneliness epidemic to blame women? Male loneliness isn’t a woman’s problem to fix; it’s the fallout of the patriarchal systems men have built for themselves.
There are certainly ways in which loneliness affects the genders differently. We live in a culture of resurgent toxic masculinity in which male vulnerability is stigmatised and men are discouraged from being open about their emotions. Consequently, men tend to have fewer close friendships, and the ones they do have often centre on laddish banter rather than real conversations. This toxic masculine culture undoubtedly isolates men, and men’s mental health is a serious issue that needs to be spoken about more widely. Charities, groups, and individuals which promote men’s mental health to tackle male loneliness are an extremely important resource. My criticism of the male loneliness epidemic is not a belittling of men’s mental health. Rather, it is a rejection of a movement that blames women for male loneliness by arguing that men are lonely because they struggle to find sexual or romantic partners.
What Goes Around Comes Around
Arguably, men experience higher rates of loneliness compared to women because of the patriarchal systems they have built and profited from — systems which are now crumbling. These systems have oppressed women for generations, holding them back from achieving their full potential. Men who continue to buy into these archaic systems of control, which establish strict gender roles that define the male sphere as strong, stoic, and superior while mocking any signs of emotional vulnerability as feminine, will inevitably find themselves feeling lonely in a world that does not mirror these primitive stereotypes.
As a woman, I must admit it’s difficult to empathise with the male loneliness epidemic. Some men struggle to find sexual and romantic partners simply because they expect women to desire them and view women as objects to be chased and possessed.
Perhaps, rather than blaming women for having boundaries, these lonely men should stop viewing them only as potential sexual or romantic partners and start seeing women as human beings. Men need to stop feeling entitled to romantic attention from women. Maybe if they engaged with others out of curiosity instead of desire and interacted with women without the expectation of sex or romance, they might find themselves feeling much less lonely.
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