One great side effect of the MeToo movement has been a reduction in victim-blaming rhetoric towards sexual assault survivors. At least in my Gen-Z social circle, phrases such as ‘you’re asking for it’ have become taboo. Unfortunately, just because the language has shifted, the belief remains.
Recently, someone close to me told me to ‘be careful dressing like that, I don’t want you to get raped.’ When I questioned them about this, they argued: ‘It’s not that you’re asking for it, but if you wear outfits like that, people are going to sexualise you. You’re making it more likely that you get assaulted.’
Same Old Narrative
At first glance, this advice sounds protective. But these comments made me feel self-conscious, doubtful, disrespected, and unsafe. Beneath the façade of care, these words placed the burden on me to avoid being assaulted, rather than on others not to assault. But is this not a modernised version of the same old victim-blaming narrative, only subtly put to avoid confrontation?
Under the guise of care, fear tactics have always been used to control women’s bodies and their behaviour. From the Victorian era, when women were expected to wear tight corsets to symbolise chastity and restraint, to the present day, when school dress codes punish girls for ‘distracting’ boys, women have been told that if they dress provocatively, they will attract danger and disrespect. These dress codes are often framed as necessary protection by schools, parents, and partners to shield women from the male gaze and its potential dangers.
Still, telling anybody what they can and cannot wear, and using the threat of assault to justify it, is controlling and victim-blaming behaviour. It teaches women that they should expect danger and pick their outfits carefully. Those who fail to do this are (implied) incapable of making good decisions concerning their well-being. The problem with this approach is that it can create feelings of shame around certain fashion choices and encourages women to censor themselves. Control disguised as care is a cunning tactic used to police women’s bodies, minus the backlash.
Clothes Are Not the Problem
In truth, clothing and assault should not be conflated. Dressing sexily does not imply consent, and what somebody is wearing is never an excuse to assault them. Sexual assault happens primarily because the perpetrator chooses to commit a crime — and not because a woman has ‘failed’ to dress appropriately. A study in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that clothing choices do not play a role in the occurrence of sexual assault, concluding that: ‘clothing should not be used as a risk reduction strategy by women and girls, as perpetrators do not choose their targets based on clothing,’ but rather on factors like opportunity, power dynamics and their desires. Furthermore, 55 per cent of sexual assaults occur at or near the victim’s home, and 87 per cent are committed by somebody the victim knows. In short, a woman is far more likely to be assaulted in private by somebody she knows and trusts, and this result cannot be blamed on her choice of clothes. Sexual assault is not about sex; it’s about asserting power and control. Wearing a ‘sexy’ outfit is entirely irrelevant in this case, since the victim was picked as a target for reasons beyond her attire.
Victim blaming is very damaging because it partially relieves the perpetrator of responsibility. When the focus shifts from the aggressor to the victim, it gives the former immunity from consequences and justification to repeat the same crime. Meanwhile, the victim is blamed and shamed. This shame culture is what stops so many women (and men) from reporting sexual assault and sharing their story.
According to the House of Lords Library, only 1 in 6 women (16 per cent) and 1 in 5 men (20 per cent) who are raped report it to the police. This silence not only helps protect the perpetrator, it also leaves the survivor cut off from legal, emotional and community support. Instead of victim-blaming and restricting women’s freedoms, we must confront predatory behaviour to increase safety.
The victim-blaming narrative of somebody ‘asking for it’ is both outdated and nonsensical. But the idea that what you wear invites sexual assault remains frighteningly prevalent. The difference is that this message is now expressed more subtly, but with no less harm. If we truly want to move past victim-blaming and release women from the burden of being ‘responsible’ for having been assaulted, we must call it out, even when it’s whispered.
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